And Now We Are Forty

"But now I am Six,
I'm as clever as clever,
So I think I'll be six now for ever and ever."- A.A. Milne

Today is my fortieth birthday and I am, quite simply, happy. Last week I officially announced that I'm resigning from my job. I have known since late September that it was the end but I needed to keep it close to the vest until the right time. It has been an intense few months of planning and focusing inward, allowing things that are ready to die to do so. An appropriate experience for the balsamic (dark) moon phase of the lunation cycle that I am at the tail end of, perhaps, but not great for writing blogs. I'll be leaving finally by the end of April, soon after the start of the astrological new year- the beginning of the sign of Aries.

The snatch of poem at the beginning, from A.A. Milne's And Now We Are Six, came to me this morning. Not because I was ruminating on how long it's been since I was six, but because I realized that being clever is not enough for me anymore. I am no longer satisfied by simply accumulating knowledge. I've accumulated quite a bit already, and though I am occasionally clever with it, I am more and more aware of all that I don't know. Or rather, I am drawn forward by a desire to understand, to see patterns and connections, meaning and significance, and to make this quest the center of my life. Perhaps this desire for a deeper, more contemplative existence is a sign I'm growing up. They say it's inevitable, but having gotten this far I can say from experience that it is not. Growing old, yes. Growing up? Completely optional.

In order to further my quest I am quitting my job so I can start building my astrology practice, seeing clients a few days a week. I had put it off and put it off, thinking that if I couldn't walk from one full-time job into another that I shouldn't even start. Then I realized that I have 25 acres of land that I love being on and could allow us, if managed properly, to be largely self-sufficient. And I realized that I really want to make that happen. So, when I am not seeing clients I will be homesteading intensively, working to produce the vast majority of our food. Raising vegetables and chickens, maybe some rabbits. It will not make up completely for the temporary loss of half our family income, but it will help tremendously.

At the moment I am consumed with thoughts of planting schedules, root cellars, chicken tractors and frost-free water to the barn. It is exciting figuring out how to make it all work. And it will be lots of work, mental and physical, which is exciting, too. Did I mention that Saturn, the god of discipline, order, commitment and manifestation on earth, is conjunct my Mid-heaven by transit? If the Mid-heaven is the place that the Universe has memorized for us on this Earth, in this lifetime, then I am finally staking my claim. I have found my spot and I will do whatever is necessary to stand on it firmly.

I committed myself to this larger homesteading endeavor while building my practice not just because it will help us save money in the short-term but also because I realize that my practice will always be narrow in its scope so it may never grow beyond a certain point. I will only be seeing clients for in-person readings. I can't offer myself as a practitioner online in the way that has become increasingly popular for astrologers. I won't be selling readings on the cheap, looking at charts and sending off what I think of them in the absence of a conversation or a sense of context. Though I'm sure there are astrologers of long-standing who can offer tremendous insight simply by seeing the patterns on the paper, I think the vast majority of what is being offered is kind of like shooting with bird shot. It sprays a wide area and therefore is likely to hit something, but it may not be the important thing, and is as likely as not to cause unnecessary suffering by focusing our attention on bleeding in the wrong place. Though offered, I would assume, with the best of intention, it is more about the astrologer and less about the client, which seems wrong ways round to me.

Selfishly perhaps, as important for me is that this type of offering doesn't afford me the opportunity for deep listening beyond my own thoughts. Again, I'm sure that there are astrologers out there who can, while simply looking at a chart, quiet their own minds down enough to hear the Oracle, but I suspect they are few and far between. I am certainly not one of them. But in the open field of true conversation, when I take the risk to be vulnerable and listen, to step outside of my own mind sight, amazing things happen. It is like flying. And the moment when clarity dawns on a client's face, when they see something they hadn't seen before, when they feel a true sense of ownership of their own life...I won't be naive enough to say that I'd help that happen for free, but I will say I wish I could, because it seems too precious a thing to barter for money. But without it, for me, there is no point. It is the real payment.

I will share with you a video that helped me realize that this deep listening was essential for me, and thus would dictate the scope of my practice. It is Krista Tippet, the host of public radio's OnBeing, talking about the vulnerability of listening. She says more clearly than I could have imagined was possible why this is so important for me as an astrologer and for all of us. Truly it can change the world. It certainly has changed mine.



In order to allow for my practice to develop with this listening as it's foundation my life as a whole must become smaller, quieter and more intimate. To allow for the vastness of other people's true nature and interior life, my life has to become simpler, less full of unnecessary distractions and more focused on what really matters. And maybe, if I am very lucky, then whenever I leave this life I will have accumulated some wisdom, some measure of grace. I will be more than just clever. And I will be here, fully present, standing on my bit of Earth. What is the old zen saying?

Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water.
After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water.